Oral Sex – why are so many people unwilling to participate in it?

Oral Sex

Let’s start with this – if your partner is uncomfortable with oral sex, you shouldn’t pressure them in to doing it. That is absolutely not fair. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t ask respectfully, and help educate them as to how pleasurable it is. 

Everyone has different preferences in bed. Oral sex is something that you either love or hate. Some may love to give, some may love to receive, and some may find the idea completely disgusting on either side. 

It’s an interesting thing to see. A few years ago, eating that booty like groceries was a popular song lyric that many sung. However, according to studies, women are twice as likely to provide oral sex, in comparison to straight men. 

So why do men still refuse to go down on women? 

Remember when DJ Khaled boldly stated he would not give his partner oral sex? This issue is far more widespread than just him, but it brought public attention to the matter. Just browsing Reddit alone will show you how many women are upset that their male partner won’t explore their body and perform oral sex. 

Now, it’s ok for a man to not want to, but it also depends on the thought process. If your man just thinks that oral sex is gross, and that a woman’s body is gross, that’s probably a red flag. Even more so if he thinks it isn’t worth the effort to please you. With the abundance of oral sex mimicking sex toys, and popularity of rose vibrators and clit sucking toys, we know that there is a desire for this form of pleasure. 

The misogyny behind a lack of oral sex has got to end. 

It’s not fair for a woman to feel like their body is gross or unclean. Men have to unlearn this. Some may feel unmasculine by performing oral sex, which is also misogynistic. This narrative can be very damaging for their partner. Some men also don’t understand that many women are more likely to orgasm from clitoral stimulation, which can be given with oral sex! They still have the mindset that penis in vagina sex is the best and only way to make this happen. Oral sex is an intimate experience for both the woman and man, and allows the woman to relax and let loose. 

Of course, not all women enjoy oral sex, but that doesn’t negate the fact that there is a double standard when it comes to oral sex!

Is it fair to expect your female partner to give you a blow job when you won’t even try pleasing her orally just once? Oral sex does not make a male partner submissive, and this is the mindset that many men need to unlearn. If you are adamant that your female partner gives you oral but you won’t give it, you are only enforcing the idea that women’s bodies exist to please men, and that you have no obligation to do the same. Women deserve to be pleasured in the ways that they want, regardless of whether you get something out of it or not. 

For many women, there is this fear that our vaginas look ugly, or smell weird. Women tend to be very self conscious of their vaginas, which is in stark contrast to men who are so willing to send a dick pic at any time. In fact, labiaplasty has risen along with porn, as porn shows women these perfect labias, promoting the idea that normal vaginas are weird. 

Essentially, when you refuse to give your female partner oral, you are not only unwilling to gratify us sexually, but also creating the innate feeling that our bodies aren’t good enough for you. It’s not fair, and why subconsciously body shame someone?

Spoiler alert – male cum isn’t a delectable dish, so if you’re a man arguing that eating pussy will taste weird, just know we go through the same thing. 

Porn shows us that oral is only for men

Since sexual education is often lacking, we learn a lot from porn, which is usually made to please the male gaze. This means that eating a woman out is often not a common thing in mainstream porn. (Lasvegasoms.com)  

Female orgasms are much harder to have than male orgasms, and many women report that clitoral stimulation, which is easily given in oral sex, is the biggest factor in them orgasming. This means that as a man, if you refuse to give oral, you are certainly hurting your chances of your female partner experiencing an orgasm and pleasurable sex. 

While you should always respect your partner’s boundaries, you are entitled to an orgasm, and if oral sex is what does it for you, it’s important to have open communication to try to get what you so desire. 

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